🕑 12 min read
This week’s adventure featured Hero Quest, the classic dungeon-crawling board game where a team of heroes explores a dungeon, fights monsters, finds treasure, and very often ignores extremely sensible advice from the game master.
And oh boy… did we ignore advice.
Emma took on the noble roles of Mentor and Zargon (a.k.a. the person responsible for unleashing chaos upon us), while four adventurers bravely stepped forward:
Bob the Barbarian
Elfinic Glendalin the Elf
Zasalemel the Wise Wizard
Sir Longlegs the Dwarf
Two quests were attempted. Several heroic deeds occurred. Some heroes survived. Some… did not.
Let’s begin.
Quest 1 – The Trial (Or: “Let’s Immediately Ignore the Instructions”)
Stay together.
Be careful.
Don’t split the party.
Naturally, we split the party within about 30 seconds.
The Wizard and the Dwarf formed what could generously be called a “strategic partnership” and headed off toward the north-west corner of the tomb. There they discovered a torture chamber, an ominous altar, and roughly a small village’s worth of goblins who were clearly having a terrible day until we arrived.
Meanwhile, the Barbarian charged forward like a man who had not read the quest briefing at all. The Elf attempted to keep up while muttering something along the lines of “this is a bad idea.”
After a messy and surprisingly close fight, the Elf and Barbarian managed to push back the swarm.
Their reward?
A room containing what looked suspiciously like the administration department of evil - two Chaos Warriors standing around shelves and books like they’d just been filing dungeon reports.
At this point, the party realised something important:
We were all nearly dead.
So, in a shocking moment of wisdom, the group regrouped. Together we took down the Chaos Warriors while the Barbarian and Dwarf clung to what can only be described as “the last few hit points of their lives.”
Then the Dwarf discovered a stone door leading into the centre of the tomb.
Everyone immediately started shouting.
“Don’t open it!”
“Wait!”
“Let’s prepare!”
For once… we actually did.
The Elf, being unnaturally fast, flung the door open.
Inside the chamber: a throne, a hearth, a low table, several monsters - and Verag the Gargoyle himself.
There was a moment of silence.
The Elf looked back at the party.
Then he absolutely launched himself into the room.
Sliding across the table like a dungeon-raiding action hero, he plunged his sword straight into Verag and killed the gargoyle in a single strike.
It was glorious. It was cinematic.
It was also the exact moment everything got dangerous again.
The party piled into the room cheering… and the already wounded Barbarian was immediately cut down by a Fimir.
Victory? Yes.
Casualties? Also yes.
With Verag defeated and monsters cleared, the three surviving heroes stood in the centre of the tomb - battered, bruised, and noticeably down one Barbarian.
With no treasure to soften the blow and morale slightly lower than expected, the party decided to return to Mentor.
Later that evening, ale was raised in honour of Bob the Barbarian.
A brave hero.
Possibly slightly reckless.
Definitely missed.
Quest 2 – The Rescue of Sir Ragnar (Featuring Bob… The Sequel)
The next quest began with a familiar name rejoining the party.
Bob the 2nd.
From the same tribe. Possibly the son of the original Bob. Maybe the cousin. Possibly someone who just heard there was gold involved.
No one asked anymore questions.
This time the mission was serious: rescue one of the King’s greatest knights, Sir Ragnar, from the lair of Ulag the Orc Warlord.
The instructions were clear:
Bring Sir Ragnar back alive.
Earn 200 gold.
If he dies… don’t bother coming home.
So naturally, the Elf asked the party to stay together this time.
The party agreed.
For about five seconds.
Then 'someone' opened a door and everything went wrong again.
Inside the passage was a goblin. A very loud goblin.
The creature screamed at full volume and immediately stabbed the Elf.
First blood: goblin.
Not our proudest moment.
The party quickly dealt with the goblin, but from deeper within the dungeon came the unmistakable sounds of more trouble - claws scraping, creatures moving, and the general noise of monsters preparing to ruin our evening.
The group moved together… briefly… before slowly drifting apart again.
The Wizard and Dwarf pushed ahead while goblins suddenly appeared behind the Elf and started attacking him like they had a personal vendetta.
The Elf screamed for help.
The Dwarf ran back heroically.
The Wizard, meanwhile, kept going forward.
Because of course he did.
Soon the Barbarian had to run back to protect the extremely injured Elf, who managed to heal himself but was clearly developing some long-term dungeon-related trauma.
Meanwhile, deeper in the dungeon…
The Wizard found a room full of orcs.
In fairness, he handled it brilliantly.
We all felt very proud.
Unfortunately, moments later, an orc struck back and killed the Wizard.
Classic dungeon timing.
Scrolls, treasure, and dignity spilled onto the floor as Zasalemel the Wise Wizard met his heroic end.
The party arrived shortly after, avenged him, and gathered his belongings - but then realised something slightly tragic.
The Wizard had been standing right next to the door leading to Sir Ragnar.
So close.
Painfully close.
After unlocking the chains and freeing the knight, an alarm echoed through the dungeon.
Apparently, removing prisoners makes noise.
Suddenly, orcs began pouring out of rooms all over the lair.
Sir Ragnar -who had been quite grumpy up to this point - suddenly found his energy and started sprinting toward the exit like a man who absolutely did not want to be recaptured.
Fair enough.
The team quickly formed a defensive strategy:
The Barbarian and Elf blocked the orc onslaught.
The Elf cast Rock Skin on the Barbarian, turning him into an unstoppable wall of muscle and determination.
The Barbarian planted himself in a corridor and began chopping through incoming orcs like an extremely angry door guard.
Meanwhile, the Elf blocked another passage but once again found himself nearly dead. Clearly, goblins had left a lasting impression earlier.
At the last possible moment, the Elf cast Pass Through Rock and phased through a wall to escape.
Smooth.
Magical.
Slightly terrifying.
Now only a few orcs remained… and Bob the 2nd was in absolutely no mood for them.
In a display of pure barbarian energy, he wiped out the remaining orcs single-handedly.
Then calmly walked around the dungeon collecting treasure.
Professional behaviour.
Victory, Gold, and Some Questions About Sir Ragnar
Eventually, the group escaped the dungeon successfully - with Sir Ragnar alive and 325 gold pieces worth of loot.
Not bad at all.
We did lose another hero - the Wizard - but sacrifices must sometimes be made in the pursuit of adventure, treasure, and slightly reckless dungeon exploration.
As for Sir Ragnar…
Well.
After spending some time with him, we started to wonder why the King liked him so much.
He complained a lot.
He worried about his clothes.
And he didn’t exactly help in the fighting.
There may be more to this story.
Or possibly the King just hasn’t adventured with him yet.
Another Fantastic Night at Norwich Board Gamers
All five of us had a brilliant time, and Emma did an amazing job running the game as both Mentor and Zargon, keeping the tension high and the laughs constant.
The evening had everything:
Heroic moments
Unexpected deaths
Dubious teamwork
And one extremely determined Barbarian
Exactly the kind of game night we love at Norwich Board Gamers.
May the fallen rest in peace... or in pieces.
And may the next quest go… slightly more according to plan. (It won’t.)
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