Game Night - Blood in the Killing Fields

🕑 8 min read

It's Game Night! Welcome to today’s BattleTech battle report, where giant stompy robots settle disputes the civilized way: with autocannons, overheated reactors, and extremely questionable tactical decisions. Grab your neurohelmet and a cup of coolant, because what follows is a masterclass in why standing still in an 80t war machine is almost always a terrible idea.

Firstly, if you have not played BattleTech before, here is an insta-summary for you.

BattleTech is a tabletop wargame of futuristic armored combat where players command towering BattleMechs, vehicles, and aerospace units in tactically rich, turn-based battles. Set in a gritty feudal sci-fi universe, it emphasizes heat management, positioning, and damage systems over fast-paced dice-chucking, making every decision matter. Let's begin!!

Opponents: David versus Goliath (me)

Battle Rating: 5,000 points

The exercise dropped us into an infamous stretch of training ground known simply as the Killing Fields - a wide, muddy basin scarred by old shell craters, ringed by trees and jagged cliff faces. At its heart lay a deep, dark central lake, churned into a sucking mire by centuries of heavy metal footsteps.

This was open ground, dangerous ground. Whoever controlled the centre would dominate the fight - but linger too long, and the lake or surrounding cliffs would happily claim another Mech.

📋Force Selection📋

David had first pick from the eight Mechs in the BattleTech: Armoured Combat boxed set, and he made no hesitation in choosing a brutally efficient trio:

Wolverine 55t
Griffin 55t
Thunderbolt 65t

A fast, flexible medium-heavy lance, with jump jets, solid armour, and weapons suited to every range. Looking at the map - hexed, wide, and open - I was immediately concerned. These machines were built to dance across terrain like this.

I answered with a less conventional force:

Awesome 80t
Catapult 65t
Locust 20t

Other options included a Shadow Hawk, Commando, or even a Battlemaster, but in the end I committed to a risky plan: long-range punishment first, survival later.

The idea was simple (and terrifying):

• The Awesome would anchor the Killing Fields, dominating the centre with triple PPCs.
• The Catapult would take a high ridge and rain LRMs across the mud.
• The Locust would do what Locusts do best - sprint, harass, distract… and probably die.

If things went well, I might cripple one or two of David’s Mechs before the inevitable close-range brawl. If things went badly… well, the lake had room for more wreckage.

🏁Deployment & First Movements (Round 1)🏁

I lost initiative and was forced to deploy first.

The Catapult climbed into a wooded rise near the edge of the map, overlooking the Killing Fields.

The Awesome advanced cautiously into partial cover near the centre - close enough to project power, but not fully exposed.

The Locust bolted forward, skimming the mud toward David’s Griffin in an obvious attempt to draw fire.

David didn’t bite 😬

The Thunderbolt lumbered up a distant hill, trees cracking under its weight as it sought firing lanes.

The Griffin vaulted clean across a plateau and landed near the lake’s edge, weapons already tracking my Awesome.

Then came the real problem: the Wolverine.

Jump jets flared, and the Wolverine closed the distance aggressively, angling straight toward my Catapult. Its armour, AC/5, and SRMs made it a terrifying close-range threat - and suddenly I had a two-front problem.

😱The Killing Fields Ignite (Round 2)😱

The Locust broke off and sprinted back toward cover, mud spraying as fire finally erupted across the basin.

My Catapult landed some early LRM hits on the Thunderbolt, but panicked under pressure - its medium lasers snapping uselessly at the fast-closing Wolverine.

David’s response was cold and efficient.

A single command came through his lance, and every gun turned on the Awesome.

LRMs, autocannon fire, large lasers - the centre of the Killing Fields lit up as my big machine absorbed a punishing volley. Strangely, almost all of it tore into the arms.

The Awesome answered.

One PPC lanced out and smashed into the Wolverine’s leg, and the look on David’s face said it all - a sudden realisation that this wasn’t just a slow target.

Three PPCs demand respect.

🫠Surrounded in the Mud (Round 3)🫠

By Round 3, I had lost initiative again - and things were looking grim.

The Awesome was nearly encircled in the open basin, with only scraps of cover. If I stayed put, I risked losing PPCs or worse. I made the call to reposition the Catapult, jumping it to the far edge of the map and focusing fire on the Thunderbolt, now struggling through trees on a distant ridge.

The Awesome pushed deeper into cover, PPCs tracking the Wolverine, hoping to force it back for just one round of breathing room.

David, of course, had other plans.

The Griffin leapt clean over the lake, landing directly behind the Awesome - perfectly positioned, and completely outside my firing arcs.

My Locust, now suddenly alone, edged toward the Griffin’s rear, looking for any opening.

The Wolverine took its time. After a long pause, it vaulted onto a ridge overlooking the Killing Fields, lining up the Awesome like a prize target.

The field erupted again.

LRMs slammed into the Thunderbolt.

The Griffin struggled to stabilise after its jump and only landed a single large laser - once again into an arm.

The Locust, of all things, lit up the Griffin with a full laser volley. Every shot hit. Minimal damage, but morale soared. 

Then came the Wolverine - SRMs chewing armour, and an autocannon shot that… missed.

The Awesome survived another round.

😏The Trap (Round 4)😏

Round 4 - the final round before we called it a night.

Once again, David won initiative.

With no other option, I committed to a desperate plan. The Awesome rotated to face the Wolverine, deliberately exposing its rear to the Thunderbolt. The bait was set.

As hoped, the Griffin jumped again, landing behind the Awesome for a second time - exactly where I wanted it.

The Catapult held position, switching targeting to the Griffin.

The Thunderbolt stepped forward, weapons locking on.

Then the trap snapped shut. 

The Locust screamed across the mud, charging the Griffin at full speed - a reckless, glorious attack
aimed at driving it straight into the lake.

David realised instantly what was happening.

The Wolverine chose to stand its ground, trusting its armour and guns to finish the Awesome.

💥Final Exchange💥

Fire rained across the basin one last time.

The Catapult’s LRMs smashed into the Griffin’s torso.

The Thunderbolt poured everything into the Awesome - but only light hits landed.

Then the Awesome fired back.

Three PPCs. Short range. No cover.

One hit. Two misses.

The table went silent.

The Wolverine returned fire - again, only a single autocannon shot struck home, barely scratching paint.

Then came the charge.

The Locust hit like a freight train, slamming into the Griffin’s rear and driving it bodily into the lake. Armour collapsed, the cockpit rang, and the Griffin smashed down on its side in the water, barely keeping its pilot conscious.

That was the end.

🤝Aftermath🤝

The Killing Fields claimed no wrecks that day - but it came close.

This was my first game of BattleTech in over 25 years, and David’s first ever Classic BattleTech game in person. We absolutely made a few rules mistakes (the AC/5 will haunt us forever), but none of that dampened the experience.

Mud, water, jumps, desperate gambits, and one heroic Locust - everything BattleTech should be.

We’ll be back in the Killing Fields soon.

Thanks for reading.

::End Communication::

12 Reasons why you FAIL at explaining Board Game Rules

🕑 6 min read

Yes yes. I intentionally used the word FAIL to illicit a visceral reaction of fear and disgust in you. Otherwise known as click bait. So let's not talk about whooo called whooo a failure and let's remind ourselves about the creative and hugely necessary art of Board Game Rules Explanations! Yay!

Holiday season is almost upon us, and we may be thinking about becoming jolly and teaching our families a new board game or two, after our festive roast lunch of choice; AND on Mondays and Tuesdays at NoBoG!

Below is a list of 12 'Don'ts' I have concocted from memory. If you have any more to share, or you wish to argue the exact opposite point... please feel free to comment! Sharing, after all, is caring.

So without further ado, why DO you fail at explaining board game rules, eh?

1. You've not read the rules yet, or recently. 
   Sounds obvious, however, it needs repeating for some of us. I've done it myself "sorry I didn't expect to be playing this game tonight... so I didn't read the rules! Can everyone help me pop out the tiles from the inserts please?". Don't be me. Do better. 
   
   
2. You've not watched an online play through of the game, or played before.
   Watching the game, or playing the game gives us greater memory recall when trying to describe the instructions efficiently. The more you play/watch, the faster and more accurate you can explain the rules. My favourite game explanations to sit through, always start with "I played this game 3 times now, and the last time I played was yesterday". My heart beat immediately calms down... ahhhh.
   
   

3. 

   It's just like Catan, duuude.

   The game is too complicated for the intended audience.
   Some players may not have realised how complex the game is going to become. Try starting off with a brief synopsis on how complicated it can get... give them a chance to pick something simpler or perhaps find a different group. Normally, the average time to complete a game is a key indicator of how tough it will be to learn the rules. Not always... but sometimes.
   
   
4. You share game strategies BEFORE the mechanics have been fully explained.
   Sometimes we can be too energetic and enthused about a particular game or part of a game. We may decide to describe what happened in prior games, hoping to teach players about our misfortune or success... save that for the end IF you have time. So please try and refrain from describing to players how you won a 'last round' victory by employing the 'church/beggar/owl/stone' strategy.. at least until the game is going.
   
   
5. You keep jumping to the edge rule cases, during the main rules explanation.
   Funny little extra rules for the first turn, last turn, or no turn etc... Try not to explain them all at once. Drop a hint about them, and remind everyone at the end of an explanation about the slight differences or special circumstances... like what happens when you tie as winners.  
   
   

6. 

   It's not the winning that counts.
   It's the fact that it ends is important.

   You forgot to tell everyone how to win the game.
   Not as easy to remember as one might think. Keep it simple at first, then come back later if it needs more fleshing out. I like to tell players this quite early on.
   
   
7. You also forgot to tell everyone how the game ends.
   Normally forgotten, until last. Good to bring it up naturally during the game explanation. "...and that is how we end the game actually. When all those cards are finally drawn". Then of course remind everyone at the end again. Simples. Do it. 
   
   
8. You go into too much detail when describing the turn structure.
   Keep your initial descriptions as simple as possible. "On your turn, pick up 2 cards, play one. Return other one to the discard pile." NOT "on your turn, pick up 2 cards, if you get a blue one then try to keep that one, but discard the green ones for at least the first 3 rounds of this 5 round game. Trust me bro.". Yeh. No. 
   
   
9. You take on way too many questions from the other players before the full explanation is completed.
   It happens. A lot. Perhaps answer a few questions as they come up, but if one or several players are preempting your explanation with continuous 'drill-down' questions, then its best to ask them to save their questions for the end. As some of the upcoming rules may just explain the confusion in greater detail. Not a hard and fast rule this one... but could save a lot of frustration.
   
   
10. You didn't wait until all the players were seated and waiting.
    Another super obvious one. Unless a player has experience with the game being explained, wait for everyone to be seated, watered and ready. Even if there is another experienced player, having them around might help with the explanations. So long as they don't mind keeping quiet as you maul the rules in front of them.
    
    

11. 

    Brave warrior.

    You may have forgotten, that playing board games is fun!
    During the stress of teaching board games to others, we can easily forget that this is supposed to be a fun evening. Slow down, smile, crack a joke if you feel like it. Once you have everyone's attention, trust me it will go a LOT smoother. My favourite one liner seems to get a great response most times, feel free to try it out for yourself - "The object of this game is to, win.".
    
    
12. You know all the above, yet you apply them in a random sequence for maximum confusion.
    Now, I'd love to tell you which order to explain Catan to your auntie with a short attention span, or 3 hyperactive cousins... but I can't. The suggested order in which we explain the rules is normally shown in each rule book. However, as you get to be more experienced, YOU can decide at which point to drop in the line, "OH! I forgot. Even though we are all racing towards 10 victory points, you have to beat all the other players by a gap of at least 2 VPs, or that 10 becomes 11. Plus remember your hidden VPs! They come into play when revealed. SO! Do you understand? It's 10 VPs to victory, unless it's 11... or 12. Sometimes 13. You'll see". Yeh. Good luck with that one if you forget to explain it to your mum or dad.

Finally, there really is no 'best' way to teach rules of a board game to 3 or 4 players who have never heard of the game before. You best recipe for success is simplicity through experience. So, bring your favourite game in lots, get it to the table and have fun explaining it; again, and again and again. It will get easier with time.

You got this! We believe in you. 

Game Night - Take That. Robbie's Revenge

🕑 8 min read

It's Game Night once again! Plus, Take That has gotten the band back together for one night of unbridled back-stabbery, and 'board game sanctioned' revenge. Yes, strap yourself in for the brutal, beautiful and recently re-released Spiel des Jahres winner from Nointy-Nointy-Six - El Grande. For the purposes of this post, all player's names have been changed to protect the King. We must protect the King!

It was a cold December Tuesday evening and the pub was packed to the rafters with 30+ NoBoGlins hungry for entertainment. They got it. We all got it. After the evening's introductions which included a new Board Game Bingo seasonal event being launched, 5 of us squared off to play one of the most bloody games in board gaming history. No, we're not playing a life sized Jenga tower, capable of crushing your sleeping uncle after Christmas lunch. We were of course playing the legendary El Grande, designed by serial games designers, Woflgang Kramer and Richard Ulrich.

As we sat down across from one another, it became apparent that two(!) members of Take That had brought along this exact same game. Here to settle old scores this evening were, to my right; the previously shunned Robbie, then Gary, Mark, Jason (the game owner), and me, why not.

The rules explanation was handled professionally by both Jason and Robbie. Unfortunately my attention was too easily diverted away from 'rules' by a colourful board, and the beautiful cardboard tower looming in the corner. Everyone was smiling and in high spirits. Very strange. I though we were here to declare war.

The Tower of Mystery

Game turns in El Grande comprise of a very straight forward set of actions. Once turn order has been established, each player plays (face-up) one of the 13 numbered cards from their hand. The cards are numbered 1-13. The higher the number, the earlier you will pick up one of the 5 unique draft-able action cards, which drive the game forwards. The lower the number, the more troops (meeples) you can enlist from your supply in readiness to place onto the gorgeous map of medieval Spain. The player with the lowest numbered card also becomes the first player, next turn. The game is broken into 3 consecutive rounds of 4 turns each. Scoring phases happen at the end of each round. Ultimately, the aim is to score victory points by occupying territories (worker placement style) in Spain, shifting troops from one place to another, right up until the scoring phases happen. Then whoever has the most meeples in one territory, wins some victory points. Some territories offer varied consolation prizes for both 2nd and 3rd places, sometimes they don't. There is also a huge tower to drop troops in, secretly accumulating meeples, until it too is scored! A powerful bonus is up for grabs by winning the 'tower' game, because during a scoring phase, each Grandes (player's) meeples contained in the tower are unceremoniously dumped onto one territory of their choice, BEFORE the end of round scoring begins. Ooo it's spicy. 

The Sparkly King does his walk

Ok. So, there is a lot of toing and froing going on as the Grandes vie for area majority of profitable territories. During the game, placing and removing of troops is massively hindered and empowered by where the King is (a huge, glitzy gold wooden meeple), which is moved each turn by the player who takes the 'King' action card. The game is brutal, and not just because having a majority of meeples in a territory is as fleeting and fickle as love itself. One minute, you might think you're getting married, but in the next second, you are splitting your board game collection with them and arguing over who gets Scout. WE ALL HAVE SCOUT!!  Get over it, please.

The 5 actions cards which are drafted by players in turn order, allow them to deploy meeples, move meeples from one territory to another, and move other players meeples into or AWAY from territories you control. If that wasn't enough chaos and heart break for you evil doers... some action cards allow you to relocate the King, thus freezing all meeple movements in that territory. Finally, a Grande with an insatiable blood lust, could just 'assassinate' a whole swathe of enemy troops (meeples), sending them back to their supply. Ouch. There is so much more to this game than I've just explained above, however, it's time to get back to the game at hand... 

First player up, was Robbie, with a real mission to rub everyone's noses in their flourishing solo career, immediately took the King action. They deployed a whole bunch of their meeples into a high scoring territory, and then slid the King onto it. Thus, stopping all additional movements both in and out of the space. This was bad enough, however Robbie had also managed to imprison the majority of Gary's troops in a territory which they could not possibly prosper from... pretty much destroying Gary's 1st, 2nd and possibly 3rd turns. After the first 4 turns, Robbie was riding high with an excess of 20 points. Mark, Jason and I were close (not close) behind, and Gary was bottom of the charts.. with zero points. It was a first round massacre. Game over? Not yet.... 

It's not over Gary. Ok. Now it is. 

Robbie continued moving further ahead in round two, with Mark a close 2nd. Jason and I were trading 3rd and 4th places with each other. By the time it got to the closing few turns of round 2, I had begun to formulate a new strategy; draft a large number of new meeples into my court, and set myself up for a lucrative final turn, with first player privilege. This would have been a great plan, however Robbie, 'Robbie'd' my territories, even though I was clearly going into the final round in last position. It's really hard not to take this game personally, but Robbie was on a Rob-page, and I kept my cool. Unfortunately for Robbie though, Gary had declared war on them, as revenge for the first round shenanigans. Which was met with a lot of gas lighting... and probably the best quote of the evening, from Robbie:

"You know what Gary, I think we got off on the wrong foot here...." 

This of course was the understatement of the century, and normally those kinds of remarks would come from my mouth... with a cheeky grin I might add. This game was going nuclear. If you look up the meaning of war in the Oxford English Dictionary, you might find a portrait of Gary grimacing at Robbie, playing El Grande.

Prince Mark of Spain

Mark, the silent assassin, was diligently infiltrating the most valuable properties, and scoring plenty of 2nd and 3rd place rewards. Mark didn't particularly upset anyone, even when provoked. Personally, I think they played the most diplomatic game of the session. Jason, I believe, had relegated themselves to 3rd place quite early on. They played for the fun and enjoyment, and regularly popped up to give someone a bloody nose, just to remind us that they were still playing. Gary passed me on the score tracker several occasions, and we were fighting for last and 4th places. Then, I changed strategy again. I decided, that I wanted to give Gary some help (to my detriment), in the hopes that they might rally both Mark and Jason to work closer with one another to undermine Robbie's solo carer. I mean Robbie's winning position.

At first, it didn't work very well. Gary decided to use their new uplift in points and creative ideas to beat on Robbie some more (good), but Mark and Jason did not follow suit (bad). In fact, Mark sided with Robbie more often than not, in the hopes of consolidating their 2nd place, keeping them as close to Robbie as possible. Quite clever, and not easily manipulated.

Eventually, however, my machinations bared some fruit. The dysfunctional pop band gradually began to rob Robbie of some territory rewards, and used their drafted action cards to efficiently protect themselves against the 'sledge hammer' tactics employed by Robbie, so successfully. Or in other words, doing a 'Robbie'. The results of which meant that Mark closed in on Robbie's lead and I actually did set myself up for a profitable final round.

My strategy was not to make any more enemies so close to the end of the game, and take risks on certain properties, leaving myself open to being taken advantage of. The danger with this strategy is exactly that. Because there are so many ways to rob other players of scoring victory points, it feels like a menacing victory point buffet of both pain and pleasure. Meaning, some players may simply make inefficient or emotional plays which may adversely affect you, purely by accident, or coincidence. 

Tight closing scores. 110/106/100/96/87

The final scores came in at the end and it was actually quite close. Robbie, the Hammer of Spain, won with 110 points. Mark, the Prince of Spain came 2nd with 106 points. I managed to reach 100 points, Jason came 4th with 96 points and poor Gary never fully recovered from the first round massacre with 87 points. 

What just happened? Well, Robbie decided to forgo ALL pleasantries and like a fox being let loose in a hen house, they turned Gary's game (and to a lesser extent mine) into a coop full of blood soaked feathers and body parts. Total destruction. 

Mark, played at a similar pace all the way through. Precise, non-confrontational, unassuming, small calculated gains and wins. A potential winning formula to be sure. In one particular move, Mark benefited from a well placed King pawn move and earned a serious amount of victory points, JUST as a scoring phase came up.

I had been out-played early on, and when I regathered my senses for a fight back, this happened to be the time that I was kicked around like a school-yard football. Thus my plans were only partially realised as a result - particularly in round 2. I eventually settled for less efficient moves and plays, which were designed to cause friction between my opponents. Hoping to remove me from the  line of fire long enough to change my fortunes. Who knows... maybe I could spark a war between the leading pair of Grandes?

Jason, I felt, had been caught in a losing position early on too. However, they decided to plough on as best they could, and attempt to secure a solid 'middle' ground position. Jason had a great distribution of troops across Spain, but failed to utilise turn order as well as the rest of us. Ultimately, this led them to rely more heavily upon the luck of opportunities given, rather than opportunities created.

Finally, Gary. Poor Gary. Their first few turns and round, was almost a complete write-off, thanks to Robbie. These first few moves secured both the winner and the loser of our game. Gary eventually found some creative tactics to cause damage and raise themselves up to 3rd position at one point. However, they were unable to hold back their rage at Robbie and failed to consolidate that position for long enough. They did however, manage to control their turn order in such a way to cause maximum discomfort to the rest of us Grandes. What. A. Game.

If like me, you don't really enjoy many take-that mechanisms in your board games, then let me give you some hope for the future, in particular for playing El Grande. Most take-that mechanisms appear to be unavoidable, punishing actions which do little to help with your own immediate progression. They are designed (in the most part) to hold back your competitors; rather punitively, I might add. 

El Grande is different. Yes it's brutal, yes it's punishing... but the actions are so clearly informed by your own needs and desires, that it is HARD to blame another player if you happen to be the victim of a blood bath. Hard, but not impossible.

This game lends itself to experience, diplomacy, manipulation and a sharp tactical mind. Of course being flexible is advantageous but without a good plan to start with, you may as well just be having fun playing 'king maker' for your opponents amusement. You never know, perhaps one turn they may cut you some slack... but don't bet on it. This is El Grande, after all. 

Even though I can't wait to play this game again, we do not foresee Take That reforming for one more gig (rematch).. but never say never. Emotions were raw and feelings were hurt - but in a good way. The second best quote came after the game from the lead victimised Grande himself, Gary:

"I love it when I can spend an entire evening having my ass handed to me, and still have a great time."

Have a great gaming night yourself, and yes, if you ever get the opportunity, try a game of El Grande.